Good Deeds: For Others or For Ourselves?

Good Deeds: For Others or For Ourselves?

In the last few months I have been thinking of why it is that we do good deeds. Whether it be donating money, time, etc. or just holding the door open for the people coming in the door behind you, are you doing it for yourself or for them? Sure, everyone benefits from it. The starving kids in Africa or the people who were affected by Hurricane Katrina are certainly benefiting from it. But doesn’t it give you an amazing feeling on the inside when you know that you have done something for others, something unselfish.

How unselfish is it though? Would we give as much to others if it didn’t make us feel good? Is it wrong to give to others for selfish reasons? Would we do it if we didn’t receive some kind of reward? How much of a reward is enough?

When we let someone go ahead of us in line or hold the door open for someone, are we doing it for the “thank you” we would possibly receive? If we only do good deeds for the reward then people won’t be doing good deeds for much longer. I still hold the door open for people even if they are completely capable of doing it themselves. Why do I do it? Because it makes me feel good about myself. I helped someone out without them having to ask for it.

It’s completely selfish. Sure the other person is benefiting from it but at the end of the day I do it because it makes me feel good. Even if they don’t say “thank you” it was still worth it because I believe in karma and paying it forward.

If a child finds money on the ground and turns it into the police for someone to claim it should that child receive a reward? If yes, how much of one? Does it need to be a materialistic reward or is the fact that he did the right thing and received a verbal “thank you” enough?

What are we teaching the people that look up to us if after we do a good deed and receive no reward, we complain? Is it not worth just doing it for the fact that it is the right thing to do? People are always going to cut you off on the freeway and not say “thank you” when you hold open the door, but does that mean that we shouldn’t continue to do it? Or that we should complain when they don’t? What makes it okay to yell at someone when they cut you off? There is always someone having a worse day than you and it could very well be the person that didn’t say “thank you.” So who are you to judge them for not saying thank you? Karma will come back around. In my 20 years of living, that is one of the biggest things I have learned.

It's Almost Time

Two weeks from today I will be sitting in a hotel anticipating the next morning. The next morning I will be shipping out to Basic Training for the Air Force.

I've always been one to share what's going on in my life and the way that I feel about those things but lately I feel like I can't, or shouldn't. Maybe it's because no one will understand or because I'm afraid to invest and depend on people that I won't be able to see or talk to for two months. I love the people in my life and I want to continue to have them there. But how do I know that two months without me won't make them realize that I'm not as important as I once was?

In a lifetime, two months is microscopic. But in this microscopic moment, two months seems like a lifetime. I love my boyfriend more than anything. I have done more growing in the last 9+ months with him than I can even process. I've become irritable with him lately and we argue a lot. Part of me is trying to distance myself from so I can avoid being hurt. Another part is trying to push him to see if he really will stick around during the tough times. Then there's the part that just wants to say fuck it and get out while I can before I get hurt and completely lose it. But I can never forget the largest part of me that wants nothing more than to spend the rest of our lives together. He is the love of my life and he has helped me to become the person I am today.

When we have our good days I am the happiest I have ever been. He makes me laugh and I can be myself around him. He has fully taken the crazy woman in me. No matter the attitude, grouchiness or psycho-self-conscious white girl that wakes up in the morning he has handled it. He has helped me get through everything that has happened in the last 9 months. I lost my job, tried to learn to be separate from my parents, moved out, decided to go into the Air Force, and that's just a small percentage of the things that have happened. He's one the strongest people I know and he doesn't even know it.

So how do I leave behind the man that has meant more to me than anything???

I don't. I've decided to take him with me. Keep on my mind and in my heart. He won't be there physically but I will always keep him in me. I have to work my butt off to show him that he is always of those things to me. But I can't expect him to want to stay with the bitch that I've been. He deserves better than that. He's earned more than that. I love him. He should know that.